I got to see "Matt" again for the first time in four months. I was so happy, I thought I would die (or just pee myself)

As it goes, we had no plans, but it was very enjoyable. We went to the mall, which did not result in much more than me buying Berlinda's Christmas present. Then after that, we went to watch The Day the Earth Stood Still. It was a weird movie, and it made me think a lot about the crater in Final Fantasy VII as well as the iceberg in Avatar...Those glowy greenish spheres seem to have that effect on people.

Afterwards, because it was so close to the ocean, we went for a little walk. The beach was almost completely empty save for a few strays like ourselves. It was quiet, and the sun was not hurting me for once. I really enjoyed it. Just walking along the shores in the freezing wind without a jacket on... It was the best thing in the world. Of course, being the schemer I am, I did not bring a jacket on purpose. I wanted to take advantage of the little time we had together... I wanted to be a parasite feeding off of her warmth. I wanted a reason to cling desperately to her body.

And on those freezing, wave swept shores, we leaned in for a kiss by the waterfront, regardless of stray, staring eyes. It was beautiful, because for the first time the beach did not bring to mind thoughts of suicide, and the scent of salt water did not remind me of blood. Words cannot describe the feeling, but the bells in my heart tolled all over again. I love her...so much.

Only she can make me feel like this just by simply being by my side. With her, I feel like a giddy child, always nervous like it's our first date. I still stutter when I speak, and speak like an idiot...although I am starting to think that is just because I am me... I feel like I am alive again, and I am reassured that I do exist, and that this life is very real. I am reminded that I am able to love...It all comes very clearly to me.

Enough with my rant, at one point, I broke her favourite sunglasses...I think it might have upsetted me more than her, though... I'm not sure how that works...

Eventually, we leave the beach and go for dinner at Hana. I ordered a Shirley Temple...but they ran out of Sprite and did not tell me! WTF?! So, Roy Rogers it was~ And it was better than Shirley... And...naturally, we ordered a lot much than we could finish...Us and our fat hearts... tsk tsk. Oh! I gave her the FCUK perfume I picked up in Vegas. She seems to like the scent. I am just happy that she does. I was very upset when I found that they discontinued C'est Si Bon. Unlike like this one, it wasn't designer brand, but it smells really nice..and it was the first thing I gave her... I trace that smell back to her...so...it's kind of sad to know it would be unvalid in a way now.

Anyway! After dinner, we sat in traffic for awhile...I didn't mind. I wanted that line to last for hours, if possible. I did not want to go home. Being with her was enough for me.I wanted to prolong it by any mean necessary. I am a schemer, it's true. Anything from "forgetting" my jacket to parking at the far end of the lot to wishing for traffic... I'm not above any of that. But can you blame me? She is so adorable...So adorable that I cannot stand to ignore her for more than a few seconds... Now I am starting to think what if she reads this? That's embarassing...I'll never live it down...

Better end this thing.

She walked me to the door as the rain came down and kissed me goodbye. I justed wanted to grab her and make out with her then and there, but it would have ended in too much drama... I'll spare her that ^_^